the babe

 this week was hard.

it all started around 2:30 p.m. on feb. 2.

i woke up from a nap and had to go to the bathroom like normal.

i saw what i never wanted to see.

blood. 

i called for my mom because i was at her house and she ran into the bathroom.

i showed her and asked if this was normal.

she said she was unsure but to call the doctor.

my sister came into the living room where i was crying and told me it didnt mean that i was having a miscarriage but that maybe the baby is just implanting itself a little late.

i was still worried. 

i called the doctor and they told me if the bleeding continues and is a heavy bleeding,

that i needed to go to the emergency room.

the bleeding stopped for about 2 hours.

i went pee again and this time the blood was a little darker. 

i was relieved because i heard dark blood was old blood and that was a good sign.

i didnt want to think of what it really could have been.

that night, the cramps began to grow stronger and stronger.

i woke up with a burning sensation and the worst cramps that i have ever experienced.

talor told me earlier that day that he read online, if your cramps are unbearable it could be a miscarriage.

i woke up at 12:34 with the pain so strong.

i thought maybe if i go pee it will relieve some pressure.

that moment was the worst moment a woman can go through.

this being my first baby i was already so attached.

not trying to gross anyone out but as i was peeing the entire sac fell into the toilet.

i was devastated. talor was asleep and as i was crying for his name,

he woke up and comforted me. 

i was a mess.

the next morning i went to the doctor for blood work.

the doctor checked my cervix and made sure i was doing alright.

she sent me to get and ultra sound just to make sure everything was ok.

most uncomfortable thing i have ever had to go through.

today, the doctor called and told me i was A+ for my blood type and that my pregnancy hormones were at 270 which is really high.

they scheduled me for another appointment just to make sure my levels go down.

she told me to NOT get pregnant in these next two weeks because my levels are so high.

whatever that means...

anyways,

talor has been so supportive and has been able to keep my mind off of this.

he took me to the mall to walk around and went to lunch with me and a girlfriend.

i couldnt have asked for a better companion.  

he has stayed so strong.

i really look up to him as a husband and father.

i know this was meant to happen for a reason.

the baby was not healthy and Heavenly Father knew this.

i know i will get to raise my children when the time is right.

this has made me a stronger wife and future mother.

as for now,

i will continue to live my life as i was before.

i want the best for my children and Heavenly Father knows whats best for me and my family.

i trust in Him.