feelings

its Valentine's Day.

while talor is at work, im at home with a cold. 

i wish this day didn't exist to be honest. 

everyone pronounces their love for one another and it seems that today is the only day love is supported. 

not for me. 

i wish to show my love 24/7 and not just on the 14th of February.

this is just an excuse to buy great gifts and eat chocolate out of a heart shaped cardboard box. 

not complaining about the gifts or chocolate. 

Anyways, this month just seems like its not going anywhere.

i feel like my days are the same old routine. 

talor wakes up at 4:30, goes to the gym, comes homes gets ready for work, kisses me goodbye and is gone for the day.

im tired of being alone. 

i know its selfish of me to think and say but i am.

school and work drowns life.

im sure this is the way for most people.

i wish money didnt exist.

i wish knowledge was easy.

i think i just need to make this year one to remember.

in the summer,

talor and i have decided to move to Denver to sell pest control.

who knows if it will even happen.

i need a change.

i need life and i want to see the beauty in all things.

i feel like i take things for half of what they really are.

i need to be on my own and devote my time to more serious things.

having my first miscarriage really opened my eyes to life around me.

i know everything happens for a reason and i am so thankful for that.

trials make you stronger.

of course it is still hard to see the people i care about pregnant or having their baby.

do i feel spite or anger? 

or am i happy and loving for them to begin their journey as a mother and family?

i am not angry.

it takes time to heal and thats what im trying to do. 

i think it will be a good change for us to move away just so we can start new.

i want to become a better wife and person for talor. 

he deserves so much and i feel like starting fresh is going to help me find who i really am.

i guess im not making sense of this but i know God has a plan for each and every one of us.

back to valentines day.

talor surprised me with an old vintage piano.

i have no idea how to play it but its very cute.

i want to learn because music in the home is the easiest way to bring the spirit in.

i want my children to become musically involved.

music is a true talent and we are to share it with others.

i am spending all my free time trying to understand the keys and notes.

just messing around but im learning to read notes and make songs.

i love learning.

as for talors gift,

he is a Major watch freak.

i bought him a 51-30 nixon watch.

he loves it!

which makes me sooo happy because i was nervous to give it to him.

anyways we are both happy and the world goes round!

i think im done. :) 

xoxo